Shame On You For Giving Your Child Formula!

Shaming on you for keeping your child alive.

Shame on you for catching your child’s poop in something.

Shame on you for going out and working to support your children.

Shame on you for staying home and raising your children.

Shame on you for trying to find love like every other human being.

How dare you punish your children when they have done something wrong.

Seriously, how dare you do anything to punish your children.

How dare you use medical intervention to help your child.

How dare you not use medical intervention to help your child.

How dare you give your child sustenance when they require it.

Shame on you for showing your child love.

Shame on you for wanting a break from your children.

How dare you ever have a life before your child.

How dare you attempt to be happy and raise someone else’s child out of the goodness of your heart.

The truth of the matter is that mom-shaming is an epidemic. Just as mothers are shamed for stepping back into the workplace, they are equally shamed for staying home with their children. One is called neglectful and cold-hearted, the other is called lazy.

Mothers are shamed if they show their children too much love, and shamed if they show too little. Moms are shamed if they punish their children, or if they don’t. Mothers are shamed for using strollers, or if they babywear. Everything has a standard, and if a mother is not meeting that highest standard then she is somehow doing something wrong.

Let me learn you some knowledge: as a mother, you are falling well below your standard. I guarantee you somewhere your home has a pile of unfolded laundry, or dinner has been takeout at least once. I guarantee you there is dust on top of your ceiling fans and that one of your cars is running low on gas. I guarantee you that some days the only lunch you eat are the three lunches you cooked for your child beforehand before they landed on the one that looked most visually appealing before only eating half of it.

I guarantee you that, at one point in time, you went more than one day in between washing yourself.

You, miss ma’am, are falling very short of the “perfect” mark.

But, guess what?

No one gives a rat’s ass that you are.

Here is the truth about mom-shaming: you will never see someone suggest to a man to quit his job so he can be a better father. You will never see someone shaming a man for formula-feeding his child. You will never see someone shaming a man who is going through the grocery line and using WIC vouchers to buy his child’s food. You will never hear someone snicker underneath their breath about how some man just had a baby and he should be home with that baby instead of out with his dude friends.

But, if a mother steps out three weeks after having a child and gets a coffee with her friends, people wonder who’s keeping her child and why it isn’t her.

If a mother takes a night to herself and goes to a club to dance with her friends, people wonder why she isn’t using her energy to parent her child at home.

If a mother is formula-feeding instead of breastfeeding, people automatically begin to wonder why she is being so selfish and not giving her body up to feed her child.

If a mother is pushing her newborn in a stroller instead of wearing them on her body, people begin to whisper and wonder why she wouldn’t want to be closer to her child anyway.

Consider this for one second: your mom-shaming is an outlet for unprocessed emotions you cannot release onto your child.

Yes, there are certain things you simply should not do with your child. One of them is unleashing unnecessary amounts of anger onto them.

Maybe you’re angry because you feel as if your identity has been stripped from you. When you have a child, from the very moment that child is born and taken to the table to be washed down, you come second. No one stays by your bedside after that child comes out of you, and no one acknowledges you before first petting your child’s head.

That can become taxing.

Maybe you’re angry because you’re exhausted and overwhelmed at this new world you are navigating. The infamous Mommy Wars has led to thousands of blog posts, Facebook rants, and authored books with “valuable information” as to how to raise your child “right.” These endless tubs of conflicting information drown even the most experienced parent, and for someone trying to “do it right,” this drowning information can upheave a slew of negative emotions.

That can become taxing.

Maybe you’re desperately clinging to the idea of someone having to validate what you are doing as a parent. For all of us, that first night a child really sleep and that first time a child really walks are milestones we shout from the rooftops. But, really? We are looking for validation… for someone telling us that we are doing this thing right. Inside, we are petrified that we have gotten this all wrong. That, somehow, we are irreparably damaging our children in ways we can’t see.

And that can become taxing.

When you dig down to the root of many, if not all, Mommy Wars and mom-shaming posts… it is because there is a certain level of taxation that is being met. Some people take time away to deal with that taxation. Others get together with groups of like-minded individuals and day-drink wine and rant while their children Thunderdome it out in the backyard of the host house.

And some turn their negative frustrations towards judging other mothers.

It is a psychological phenomenon called projection. It is a defense mechanism people employ without realizing it in order to help themselves cope with difficult emotions. The process specifically involves taking those undesirable feelings and tossing them onto someone else instead of simply dealing with their unwanted feelings.

Because, let’s face it: all opinions, whether or not they are backed by data points, are always rooted in emotion.

Stopping the mom-shaming and the Mommy Wars does not mean correcting a behavior, it means identifying an emotion. It means becoming more emotionally intelligent and more self-aware to bring about a more honest way of living.

Stop the mom-shaming and start the honest admission.

It will aid everyone’s stress levels in the long run.


Featured image courtesy of WedMD.

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